The Message on the Tea Bag

I forget that there are mountains surrounding LA sometimes. It rained a while back for the first time since I’ve been here, and for the next few days it was clear enough to see the mountains - so beautiful. I really do appreciate all that I have. I have so much freedom and so much ability to become anything. I simply need to pursue my passions and desires and make my way there.

I have discovered that I am not cut out for disciplining children, talking loudly over children all day long, trying to please everyone and be the fun person at the same time. I just know that it’s not for me. Yes, I love working with kids, and I love interacting with them, the relationships I can build, all of those things. I simply don’t like classroom management. I like the one-on-one or small group interaction. I have started giving private guitar and piano lessons, which I do enjoy.

Ah the beauty of California. I am doing my best to experience LA as cheaply as I can afford. The girls I live with and I are, despite our small budget, managing to have a great time here. We are getting used to our limited budget, and our crazy work schedules, and also how to gage our energy – as kids do take a lot out of me. I will admit, there are times when I really don’t know how much of this I can handle. The challenge of teaching, sometimes feeling belittled at work (as a volunteer), the wait and commute on busses whenever I want to go anywhere. To top that off, someone broke into the convent I am staying at.

I have figured out what keeps me going; at school: teaching guitar and piano lessons, in general: and making sure that I get out of south central every so often, to find my place of peace and comfort, and talking to family and friends. I do love teaching lessons, and am excited to start developing this more.

I have come to discover that if I don’t read the message on the tea bag when I put it into my mug, I may forget to read it. If I don’t live my life as I am called to right now, I may never get there.

This quote that a friend sent me one day, lifted my spirits a bit "I will get things done for America. Faced with Apathy, I will take action. Faced with conflict, I will seek common ground. Face with adversity, I will persevere. I will carry this commitment with me this year. I am an AmeriCorps Volunteer."

In the midst of all this uncertainty, I would like something certain, and something to hold onto that I can look forward to. I have discovered what has been weighing me down so much since I’ve come here. It is living among such mental poverty. Yes, the physical poverty is difficult to live and breathe among as well, but the mental is worse. The angst, anger, despair, hopelessness… that engulfs these people is so heartbreaking to me – I become dug into a hole that I can’t seem to get out of. I am tired of the stares, the cat calls, the honks, the aggression that I see. I miss: driving when/where I want, walking outside, having a back/front yard, family, close friends, a nice place to live, pets, clean air, cooking in a nice kitchen with nice utensils/supplies, going for runs outside, trees with leaves, fall colors, fireplaces… Those are just some of the things I do miss. Well, everything is a learning experience. This is one of many, and many more to come. I know that in a year I will look back on this and want it all back again. The Lord does put everything in my life for a reason – that reason I am still discovering. That is why I will carry on with my chin up, best face forward, and a smile on my face to take on everything that the world brings me with a lot of help from above.