Genuine Love

As I walk down the open-air hallways in school, I am reminded of why it is that I find myself working with kids. Many smiles, and excited “Hi Ms. Schiebe!”s, that I can’t help but smile and laugh to myself. What makes me so special, that all these children think I am so wonderful? It’s as if I am some star or something that everyone wants to say hi to and run up and give a hug. One in class, one of my first graders raised her hand while I was teaching music, just to say “I love you” in her sweet little voice. Another day, one of my second graders came up to me and said, “Ms. Schiebe, I forgot to give you a hug yet today,” and he proceeded to give me a great big hug around my waist. It is these moments that fill me up. The times when I can just embrace them for the children they are; in all their sweetness and genuine love.

The Message on the Tea Bag

I forget that there are mountains surrounding LA sometimes. It rained a while back for the first time since I’ve been here, and for the next few days it was clear enough to see the mountains - so beautiful. I really do appreciate all that I have. I have so much freedom and so much ability to become anything. I simply need to pursue my passions and desires and make my way there.

I have discovered that I am not cut out for disciplining children, talking loudly over children all day long, trying to please everyone and be the fun person at the same time. I just know that it’s not for me. Yes, I love working with kids, and I love interacting with them, the relationships I can build, all of those things. I simply don’t like classroom management. I like the one-on-one or small group interaction. I have started giving private guitar and piano lessons, which I do enjoy.

Ah the beauty of California. I am doing my best to experience LA as cheaply as I can afford. The girls I live with and I are, despite our small budget, managing to have a great time here. We are getting used to our limited budget, and our crazy work schedules, and also how to gage our energy – as kids do take a lot out of me. I will admit, there are times when I really don’t know how much of this I can handle. The challenge of teaching, sometimes feeling belittled at work (as a volunteer), the wait and commute on busses whenever I want to go anywhere. To top that off, someone broke into the convent I am staying at.

I have figured out what keeps me going; at school: teaching guitar and piano lessons, in general: and making sure that I get out of south central every so often, to find my place of peace and comfort, and talking to family and friends. I do love teaching lessons, and am excited to start developing this more.

I have come to discover that if I don’t read the message on the tea bag when I put it into my mug, I may forget to read it. If I don’t live my life as I am called to right now, I may never get there.

This quote that a friend sent me one day, lifted my spirits a bit "I will get things done for America. Faced with Apathy, I will take action. Faced with conflict, I will seek common ground. Face with adversity, I will persevere. I will carry this commitment with me this year. I am an AmeriCorps Volunteer."

In the midst of all this uncertainty, I would like something certain, and something to hold onto that I can look forward to. I have discovered what has been weighing me down so much since I’ve come here. It is living among such mental poverty. Yes, the physical poverty is difficult to live and breathe among as well, but the mental is worse. The angst, anger, despair, hopelessness… that engulfs these people is so heartbreaking to me – I become dug into a hole that I can’t seem to get out of. I am tired of the stares, the cat calls, the honks, the aggression that I see. I miss: driving when/where I want, walking outside, having a back/front yard, family, close friends, a nice place to live, pets, clean air, cooking in a nice kitchen with nice utensils/supplies, going for runs outside, trees with leaves, fall colors, fireplaces… Those are just some of the things I do miss. Well, everything is a learning experience. This is one of many, and many more to come. I know that in a year I will look back on this and want it all back again. The Lord does put everything in my life for a reason – that reason I am still discovering. That is why I will carry on with my chin up, best face forward, and a smile on my face to take on everything that the world brings me with a lot of help from above.

To Long, and To Belong

"The art of longing and the art of belonging must be experienced in life." The quote I read on my yogi tea bag the other day, really sums up how I have been feeling lately. Adjusting to a brand new lifestyle takes time, patience, and an open mind. As well as a whole lot of learning - about myself, and my surroundings. Life is treating me pretty well in LA. I am now 3 weeks into the program, and each day I work with the kids I learn to love them more and more. There are about 270 kids at my school, so I have yet to learn so many more names! The pressure is on, because I have now moved up to the teacher role, as I have taken on teaching music classes two days a week to all of the kids. That makes for about 5 classes a day that I teach on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. I also lead music at Mass, which they have biweekly.

It is amazing how once the kids saw me with a guitar, heard me play and sing, how their love for me increased even more. Now instead of only the kids from the 3 classes that I worked with during the day, and the 50 or so kids I worked with after school, now everyone says to me as they pass "Hi Ms. Schiebe!" very enthusiastically with a grin on their face. The younger ones to greet me with a hug and once in a while I will get an "I love you." They make my heart melt. Yes, they are trying on patience, and make my voice hurt by the end of the day from trying to get their attention and keep them under control; but they are so loveable. I give teachers so much credit for what they do - it's a crazy hard job! Very rewarding though.

Little by little I am trying to explore the LA area - and soak it all in, as well as finding my nich in where I am at and what I do. I have now checked out the LA public library downtown, which is absolutely wonderful; I have tried the froyo at Yogurtland; embraced the ocean-front on the Santa Monica Beach; been to the "Abbey" in West Hollywood, learned how not on time the bussing system is; taken the time to cook; bought fresh produce at the Grand Central Market downtown LA; learned how to handle lots of kids of all ages; made some wonderful new friends; and more.

A whirlwind of new places, people, sights, sounds, smells, and emotions have all hit me at once - and it will continue to take time to process them all. The story is beginning to unfold as I put peices together of why God has called me to this specific place to work with these specific people. Though I am out of my comfort zone as the minirity, and as the "newbie," which is intimidating; I do know that things will fall into place - with faith and trust.

Learning My Way

Well I have survived my first six days in Los Angeles. We had two days of orientation for my program. This city is so full of life and excitement; I know I will never get bored. There is always something to see or experience. Everyone in my program seems fantastic! The cool part is that we all seem to be here with the same mindset – not to change the world, but to learn and see how we can help those we live around and we serve at our sites to better their program and continue the work that they do. We are all here to learn and grow, and we are excited to begin this journey together. And this is just the beginning of my journey. I know this year will present a lot of challenges and a lot of rewards.

So far we have taken the Dash (the public bus system), been out to lunch at Chipotle near South California University, Toured the Science Center in Exposition Park, ate at a Mexican restaurant, had a panel and cookout with the alum NDMVA members, visited a few of our volunteer sites, filled out a ton of paperwork, visited a few of our volunteer sites, survived a day of work, took a trip to the beach, visited the galleria market in Koreatown, and made some homemade sushi and pot stickers, gotten to know my housemates, and gone to a Spanish Mass.

I am constantly thinking of the movie 101 Dalmations. The dogs here are crazy – one starts barking, then they all do. One will howl, and so do the rest! During the night a lot as well I will add. I’m getting used to it, and actually learning to love it. I am reminded of the cats that would hang out on our roofs in Guatemala and meow all night.

Transportation is the tricky part that I am still figuring out. Having no car makes things much more difficult. Though I feel very independent. There are no classes I need to attend, homework I need to do, people I need to take care of, it’s just me – fending for myself in this giant city.

I survived my first day at work! This is going to be exhausting work. I thought working with middle and high school students all summer was draining (well, it was; and elementary is another story) I was basically thrown into the school, told briefly what I was expected to do, then went and did it. No schedule or specific direction.

St. Columbkille is a private, Catholic school in South Central LA, with a student population that is almost all Hispanic. The kids are very well-behaved, and the structure is unique (rules, expectations, etc are all going to take a while to master). I do feel needed there ,and I will most definitely be busy every day. In one day, I was involved in all of the following: 1st grade TA, 1st grade recess, 7th grade recess, 3rd grade TA, 1st grade lunch duty, 7th grade lunch duty, and an after school tutor. A deep breath every now and then kept me going. Not to mention trying to learn names and get to know students and teachers, as well as the rules and expectations. It’s going to take a while, but I have confidence I will soon become more comfortable there; among the students and faculty, and gradually ease into my “place” at St. Columbkille.

Freebird

From one adventure to the next – I am ready to hop into my AmeriCorps position in Los Angeles. Everything finished up very well in Rutland, though the goodbyes were hard. YouthWorks put on an exit session for us back in Delaware for two days, then we were done! It was such a crazy feeling to be done with my commitment as Site Director. I felt as though I was a free-bird and ready to fly! I finished up my time on the East Coast with a visit to NYC to see my cousin, then to Boston to visit my aunt and uncle who then took me to Cape Cod. Not a better way to finish up a summer in the East!

All of my experiences this summer have challenged, molded, and shaped me into the person and leader that I now am. Yes, it was hard work filled with many questions and mistakes; but through all of that God was faithful, and I was grown and stretched beyond what I had ever imagined in my life. As I continue to process all of the ways that I have changed and grown this summer, I truly hope that there is not one thing I will forget about my incredible experience with YouthWorks. I will keep loving the community of Rutland, I will keep loving my team and all of those YouthWorks staff people I grew close to, and I will keep loving all of those whom I am surrounded by – in my community right where I am at.

I am now continuing in service and am now going to the other side of the US: the west coast. I will be serving with the Notre Dame Mission Volunteer AmeriCorps program for 11 months in South Central Los Angeles. I will be working as a teacher's aide and tutor for a private K-8 school. I will be living in community housing with some of the other AmeriCorps volunteers. I am both nervous and excited for this new opportunity. I know that God has called me there, so I am willing and ready to go with an open heart and open mind.

Sanctuary

I am now nearing my end of my time in Rutland, VT. I am really going to miss these gorgeous green mountains, covered bridges, beautiful scenery, and wonderful community members. It is hitting me now how much I really am going to miss this place and the community here. I have been trying my hardest to embrace each day and each blessing that I have been given. I don't think I will understand how much I will miss it here; until I am gone. These past few weeks of programming have been great. There are always unexpected twists and turns, and surprises that I try to always be ready for. God always reminds me that He never gives us more than we can handle. And He puts us in the right places at the right times, no matter how hard it may seem, or how much I may long for something else. Overall though, our groups have been really great – I have made a lot of great connections and built some meaningful relationships. I continue to be filled up by these relationships that form and transform.

Last weekend I took my staff to the Chittenden Reservoir. We had a picnic lunch by Lefferts Pond, then walked through the woods to the reservoir to find a quiet place to go swimming. We swam out and sat on some big rocks we found – soaking up the beauty of the water surrounded by green mountains. This was the perfect rejuvenation that I needed to get me through the last two weeks; a sanctuary that I now have as a mental image and escape in my mind. I have been missing the lake so much, and that peacefulness and freedom that it provides, and the closeness with nature and the wonder of God's amazing work.

We made our last trip to BJ's Wholesale in NH today!! No more grocery shopping for 70 people - that'll be a relief. I will miss the drive though. Yes, it gets a bit lengthy, but is completely worth it for the scenery. Fridays my exhaustion does finally set in. Thursday is rough but I continue to plow through. Friday is the day when it all hits me. The kids have left, my paperwork is done before noon, I finally sit down in the car ride, and my energy drops so that I feel as though I am only partially functioning. Lots of caffeine for the drive, that's what gets me through and home safe, along with the beautiful scenery and some good music to sing along to. Also it's a great time to think and process everything that has happened this past week, and everything that I have not allowed myself or had time to think about in the midst of the week.

Dinner tonight was delicious and with good company. We went to a community member's house for a nice homemade meal. His daughter is in Rob's youth group, and so is her cousin - so we were able to hear all about their YouthWorks trip to Harrisburg PA, and we shared with them funny stories about our experiences this summer.

My Own Independence Day

I am finally enjoying some time off this week, as my site does not have programming due to the Independence Day holiday. Taking some time to finally breath, soak in my surroundings, and process everything that I have experienced this far has been very beneficial to me. It has been tough being away from family, as they are all reuniting back home. I have been going on lots of walks, journaling, and talking with family and friends on the phone. I at times need to remind myself of why I am here, and that God has a bigger purpose for me right where I am at.

Never again will I take for granted the comforts of home. Living in a church and now in a school allows me to fully appreciate how nice it is to have a house to call home. The school is great, and it’s actually pretty homey for a school after we have gotten all settled in. We even get to take advantage the projector we have (for our worship song lyrics during Club time for the participants) and have movie nights with a big screen in our staff room.

Our second week of programming went really well. We were all on our own with no help from our Area Director, and overall everything went very smoothly. We had four different church groups, all from the eastern region, and making a total of 63 participants. The weather was fantastic so we were able to do all of our outdoor activities and volunteer sites. Each week I feel will become more and more comfortable. Already I have seen a huge growth in confidence in each of my staff members, as well as in myself. Hopefully our last four weeks of programming will be able to run smoothly as we become even better at what we do!

I haven’t mentioned how our meals work or what our “evening activities” consist of yet. Each meal one of us staff is the “Total Meal Manager,” we get to wear a red apron and delegate tasks to prepare and set out the meal. We have a “Crew” assigned to each meal, who is responsible for helping the Total Meal Manager. Our breakfast crew prepares breakfast, and a pack’n’go lunch line. Everyone packs their lunch at breakfast and puts it into the cooler for their ministry crew. We have 5 ministry crews that volunteer at different sites, we create fun names for them; ours include: Deer, Otter, Moose, Beaver, and Pineapple. We have a different crew help us clean up from the meal (doing dishes, putting food away, etc). So that is how our meals work – a little bit of organized chaos and a little stressful, but it all works out.

After our dinner cleanup crew is done, we then have an evening activity Monday-Thursday. Monday we go to the Green Mountain Rock Climbing Center, where participants learn how to belay, then get to climb. This just happens to be right next the Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream store, so almost everyone makes a trip there before we leave. Tuesday night we go to the Vermont Marble Museum in Proctor, VT where we have a scavenger hunt to make the visit a little more exciting. Wednesday evening we have a hike in Pine Hill Park (one of our ministry sites where they blaze and work on upkeep of the trails). Thursday evening we have a community cookout at a nearby park. We invite community members and church friends by word of mouth to come join us for dinner and visiting in the park, while the youth hang out, play games, and enjoy the company of some kids they know from Kids Club. We have a grill we bring to the park, and bring over the rest of the food as well. And there is a summary of how we spend our evenings. Following that time is Club time, where everyone comes together for a time of worship, skits, and a reflective talk.

The 4th of July we spent in Burlington, VT. Rob and Jenny (our community friends) took my team and I to Burlington to celebrate the 4th. We all hopped into their churches big white 12 passenger van and drove the hour and a half to Burlington. Upon arrival we made a stop for lunch at Al’s French Fry’s – comparable to an old-fashioned diner, and they are apparently everywhere in Burlington. We then checked into our hotel, and had the afternoon to relax. I scoped out the outdoor pool and enjoyed the sun for a while. Then we headed into downtown Burlington and walked around the open air market at Church Street Marketplace (it seems as every town here has a Church Street). We browsed the shops for a while then found a local burrito shop called Boloco (similar to a Chipotle) where we ate dinner. After we finished we hit the candy store, watched a guy playing the didgeridoo. We then wandered down to Lake Champlain. This lake is about 490 sq miles and is mainly on the border of Vermont and Ney York, but goes partially into the Canadian border of Quebec. We were looking out across the lake to the Adirondack Mountains of NY. We found a spot on some large rocks and hung out there until the fireworks. We got there nice and early, as there were thousands of people. All along the lake were food booths, inflatables, live music, and people meandering in their boats or along the waterfront. Before the fireworks started I wandered over to the Skinny Pancake for some iced tea. The Skinny Pancake is a unique creperie, coffee shop, and fondue restaurant. Savory and sweet, they serve crepes in all forms with a large variety of flavor combination, all products coming from Vermont – a wonderful place with a bit of a hippie edge.

Upon returning it was about time for the fireworks. The longest firework production I have ever seen – 25 minutes of straight fireworks over the lake was fantastic! It’s obvious why so many people come to witness this. Leaving was an adventure in itself. Weaving our way through the massive crowds to the street, then to find the big white van that Rob was picking us up in, was all pretty exciting. Eventually we made it, and returned to our hotel. After enjoying each others’ presence, and the fact that we were able to hang out in a hotel room, we all went to bed, tired from a long but fun day. And that’s when I felt like I was sleeping on a cloud – my first time sleeping in a bed for a month and a half; no need to say it was fantastic!
On our way back to Rutland, we took the scenic route and drove through Montpelier to see the capital, ate at a Chinese Restaurant called the House of Tang, went to the Ben & Jerry’s factory in Wilmington, VT and took the tour there – with free samples of their newest ice cream (pretty exciting).

This week our team has been working at the Kids Club with some youth from a local youth group. I love hanging out with the kids – they come for 2.5 hours, and it’s basically like a Vacation Bible School that runs all summer long. Tonight we were able to visit with Kori and Scott, some friends we made at Roadside Chapel. They are a wonderful young couple, and we absolutely love hanging out with them and their two girls who are 8 and 4. Not to mention they are both really great cooks! It’s been great connecting with their girls also, as I do miss my family a lot, and hanging out with my nieces and nephews.

And that brings me to now, hanging out in my classroom of a bedroom and getting ready to relax on my mat for a good night sleep. Tomorrow we head to the community gardens to do some gardening before going to Kids Club, then the Community Cookout.